Posted in Real Life

Who The Heck Is Max?

Bishop got his new lawn mower! Huzzah! Much celebration in the lawn cutting arts. Mr. C. Cow was especially excited because he, accidentally (kinda), broke the last lawn mower by thinking you could drive it “Off-Lawn”. He was thinking it was like an off-road vehicle that you drove off the beaten path. What Mr. C. didn’t understand was that you can’t drive it on gravel. Or in a lake. Or over a giant mud puddle at full lawn mowing speed. This is probably the number one reason why Mr. C. Cow has been banned from driving any of our equipment. Bishop isn’t being mean. He’s just trying to save us a bit of money and time fixing things that get broken. (Sorry Mr. C. but we will only let you drive the small things now. Not being mean but you need a bit of equipment driving practice.)

With a great piece of rider lawnmower equipment comes the great responsibility of trying to figure out what the heck the safety stickers are trying to tell us. Mr. C. Cow and  I tried our very best to figure these beauties out:

mower2A
When seeing lawn gnome behind you be sure to twist your head at a 180 degree angle.

I don’t know about you but I don’t think that a head is supposed to twist in that direction. Unless you’re an owl. (Major shout out to all the owls in my life! Hoot! Hoot!)

mower1A
If you are totally overheated do not depend on a gas can or some weird shack to help you.

Mr. C. Cow and I think that this safety sticker is really trying to tell us that they are not hot as much as they are really angry at the state of things. Don’t try to fix my anger by giving me a funky purse. Don’t try to fix my anger by making me sit in some sort of tiny home and tell me that I can get by with a kitchen the size of a bath mat. Lawn mower is angry. Give it some space.

mower4A
Double Safety! If you get D’s on your report card you get your digits chopped off. If you try to put your hand in to join a double G game they will be denied because they are not G enough.

I am so confused by these safety stickers! Where am I suppose avoid the alphabet? Am I suppose to study really hard to not get a D in any subject?  Both of us are now having nightmares that our digits will be eaten by the alphabet. This is not the best way to teach anyone their ABC’s.

mower3A
If you not give Max at least 15 percent you’re totally doomed. DOOMED!

Who is this Max fellow and how are we suppose to give him 15 percent? 15 percent of what? If we don’t know who Max is then are we automatically doomed? Neither Mr. C. Cow or myself want to be doomed! Maybe we should ask Bishop who this Max fellow is. Maybe we should stop trying to figure out what these safety signs mean and ask Bishop to explain them to us. Maybe we should just stop touching Bishop’s stuff and leave the equipment to trained professionals.

“Tipsy” Cerulean

Photos of safety signs taken by yours truly. I found them on our personal rider lawnmower and I am happy to say that our lawn is currently mowed!

Don’t forget….we might be making silly jokes about these safety stickers but safety is no joke. Follow all instructions when operating any type of machinery. Don’t be an idiot!

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Author:

Big Cheese of Kinkhead Creations. Writer/Designer/All Around Awesome. An "Artist".

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