Mr. C. Cow and I LOVE roadside attractions. The ones where you can take your picture with a giant ball of yarn or trout. Every year it seems harder to find any to stop at. It’s like people are no longer impressed with a six-story block of cheese. We don’t understand why this is happening. To us it’s a nostalgic dip into our childhood.
When Mr. C. Cow was just a wee little calf his parents took him to a roadside attraction that had a chicken in a machine that played you in tic-tac-toe. Instead of just playing the chicken they became friends when he “liberated” Ms. Clucks from her machine prison. The guy who owned the machine was not pleased with this so there was a bit of running while yelling “Flee! Flee!!!!”. I’ve never had the pleasure of jailbreaking a chicken out of a machine but I did save a duck from a soda pack ring. Dwayne the duck was forever grateful to get rid of his “trashy fashion piece”. (Cut the rings people! Think of Dwayne!)
Maybe, if Bishop is ok with it, we could have our own giant roadside attraction at the shop. Mr. C. Cow is rooting for a giant milk can (of course). I was thinking of getting the worlds largest bulldozer. Or…..a building shaped like a bulldozer! We decided to do a bit of brainstorming and made a list of what we want to build as an attraction to give to Bishop:
Building shaped like a drum set
Worlds largest potato salad
Gigantic lava lamp
Fully drinkable, LARGE martini
HUGE statue of Mr. C. Cow (Yes….Mr. C. came up with this one….)
Hopefully Bishop likes at least one of our ideas.
If you had a roadside attraction what would it be?
(Part 1 is right here of our 2 part time EXPLOSION!)
I don’t know if knew this but being sucked into a time-nado swirly thing kinda does a number on your stomach. It’s like being on a boat and getting sea sick then getting sucked into a whirlpool. Minus the being wet part. I’m really bad at trying to give a good “sucked up into who knows where time” description. What I do know is that we were swirling and whirling and time jumping like we were some sort of alien with two hearts.
At first we ended up in some sort of 1950s sock hop/lots of flamingo decor era. Since we hadn’t eaten breakfast the 50s gave us the perfect opportunity to go to a diner. One should never forget to eat during a time warp crisis. Pancakes are a cure-all.
As soon as we paid our bill we were sucked up, once again, by that weird swirling time-nado thing. I wish it would have, at least, waited for our breakfast to settle. Mr. C. Cow and I were thrown out the other side looking a little greener than usual.
Ahh…the roaring 20s. Or is this the 30s? 40s? It didn’t really matter as we could hear the sound of jazz music through the doors of some place called the “Calendar Club”. I’m not one to pass up good jazz and the opportunity for an old-fashioned cocktail. Mr. C. Cow isn’t the type to pass up the opportunity to wear a top hat. If we were going to be stuck somewhere back in time what better way to spend it then at some sort of speakeasy. Hopefully we’ll be here for a long while then, somehow, find our way home.
Oh…come on! Not another time-nado! But…I would like another cocktail!
We landed next to a pile of chairs on fire. Who does that kinda thing? Chairs are supposed to be for sitting not for burning. I have a feeling that there is a SERIOUS amount of fire code violations going on here.
Wait…where are we? No cars? Horse drawn carriages? Industrial revolution?
We really needed to get back to our own time! At this rate we were going to end up getting eaten by a dinosaur. The 50s diner was great for breakfast. The Calendar Club was great for cocktails. The…late 1800s/early 1900s had us afraid that we would freeze to death on cobblestone streets. Neither one of us had brought a coat and Mr. C. Cow was starting to cry.
Cow tears are not tiny. When cow tears start they start big and have a hard time stopping. When he cries I start to cry. I can’t help myself. We sat on a street corner and cried as the snow kept coming down on us. We cried as the horse dung guy cleaned up the streets. We cried till we ran out of tears, recharged them, then cried some more. Hope was starting to slip away as another time-nado decided to suck us back up. This time we didn’t care. We just wanted to go home.
Wait…where are we? A lab? A LAB!
Somehow we had found ourselves back where we started. The lab was still a mess and the clock said that no minutes had passed. How did we get back? How did we end up going through time in the first place? What kind of crazy scientist thinks it’s a good idea to drink a couple of bottles of liquor and let loose the science of time?
Neither Mr. C. Cow or I felt like figuring out how this was even possible. We didn’t even want to clean up the bottles lying around on the floor. (Although I was sorely tempted to do so. I hate to see stuff laying around like that!) Any sane person would turn around and run out of that building not looking back. We are some pretty sane individuals so we did just that.
I think that Mr. C. Cow is going to need to write a strongly worded email to his scientist friend about the state of her laboratory as well as the numerous safety violations going on. I think that I am going to have to write an email to some sort of government agency or man in a blue box or something telling them about the rips in time.
Today Mr. C. Cow and I saw an amazing looking museum while driving through a big city today. Outside we could see a GIGANTIC SHIP connected to the museum. There was much hoof pointing and mooing at the ship that we had to stop. I like museums and Mr. C. Cow has never been on such a big boat before.
We learned that the ship was named the USS Wisconsin and the building next to it was a huge museum full of educational fun. While Mr. C. Cow pretended to be a captain by playing with the replica controls I learned a lot about the battleship. It’s a Iowa class battleship that is 887 feet 3 inches long. That’s a mighty big ship! The Wisconsin earned five battle stars in WWII, and one for the Korean War. It also earned a Navy Unit Commendation for its service during the first Gulf War. Knowing the history before boarding made the experience more exciting.
After pulling Mr. C. Cow away from trying to pet every horseshoe crab in their ocean exhibit it was our turn to wander around the battleship. I’m a little scared of heights so Mr. C. Cow held my hand when we crossed the bridge onto the ship. He made me stand by these ginormous guns while he took a picture. Glad I wore my sunglasses that day because, boy, it sure was sunny out!
If you’re ever in Norfolk, Virginia I recommend you check out Nauticus and the USS Wisconsin. It’s worth a stop!
Check out museum website Nauticus which is a museum that also features tours of the USS Wisconsin
Mr. C. Cow and I have a friend named Terry. He’s a professional body building Triceratops. Terry likes to work on his triceps so I guess he’s more of a triceps-atops. Great guy though a little prone to constantly wanting to impress you with his bench pressing skills. Mr. C. Cow can run the mile like he was some sort of sonic super bovine. I can stare at a chin up bar and try to will myself tall enough to reach it.
We visited with Terry for a while he was training for a triathlon. When we were about to leave we asked him about an abandoned medical facility on the other side of town. People seemed to have this thing about exploring abandoned places and taking pictures. Mr. C. Cow and I thought it would be kinda neat to do the same. Terry was ADAMANT that we not go to that area of town. He said weird things had happened at the facility when it was open. Between the crime in the area as well as rumors of experiments lurking around it was fenced off to protect the general public.
Poo Poo to rumors and what not!
We REALLY should have listened to Terry. Five minutes into checking the place out we were accosted by a dinosaur who tried to hold us up at claw point for my purse. Lucky for us I don’t carry a purse. The crazed dino thief was at a loss as to what to do next since I don’t carry a purse. In a moment of sheer panic I threw a banana I had with me at him thinking it would help. Dino thief took the banana and ran off. As he ran off a very large dinosaur came out of nowhere and stole the banana. Dino thief jumped the large dinosaur and started chewing on his back-end. One of the thieves friends came out of nowhere and joined in on the fight. Mr. C. Cow started humming a song from “West Side Story”. I thought it was a better idea if we left. Don’t want to lose one of my weeny otter arms by getting in the middle of a banana fight.
There is a moral to the story in this somewhere. I’m thinking it’s to always listen to your body building friend when he warns you to not go someplace. Mr. C. Cow thinks we were taught to always carry a banana around in case of emergency.
Once upon a time there was a cow that wanted to eat a magical rose SO bad that he couldn’t help himself. They knew that they would possibly feel some sort of animated cookware wraith if they attempted to nibble on one single petal but didn’t care. Each rose petal looked like it could be simmered in a broth made from mushrooms and other various earthy ingredients. This cow watched too many cooking shows in their spare time.
We actually stumbled upon some sort of magical castle today. I wouldn’t have even noticed it when we drove by if it wasn’t for the moo-ing from the passenger seat. Mr. C. Cow has this…thing…about castles that make you think of princesses fighting dragons to save the prince from their doom.
Princesses don’t need saviors. We can be the saviors and save ourselves!
The castle was so pretty and reminded me of the stories I had heard in my childhood so we decided to stop and take a look. Lucky for us the castle was open to all visitors as long as we weren’t rude during our visit. It was like being thrust into a fairytale! Mr. C. Cow found a knights helmet and put it on to feel like the protector of those who lived here. I practiced my sword fighting and pretended to fight off the enemy who was knocking on the castle doors. The whole experience made us feel like kids again.
In our youth we build castles from pillows and blankets. We fight battles against stuffed dragons with our cardboard swords. We swear to protect those we love from the monsters our minds create. As adults we tend to drift away from these “silly ideas”. Sometimes a trip to a magical castle with your best cow pal reminds you that, no matter how old you are, sometimes you need to believe in something.
Well I woke up this morning and looked through the door. I saw Mr. C. Cow asleep on the floor.
Greetings postcard buddies! Nothing gets you ready to rock more then a giant statue of “The King” next to a pink car. Today we decided to hit up a museum dedicated to music. At first I was a little worried about going into a museum that had guitars floating on top of water. That seems a little electrical shock/death/danger to me. I guess that’s just how you’re suppose to “rock”.
I couldn’t stop laughing when I finally turned around from staring at those guitars and saw what Mr. C. Cow decided was proper “rock” attire. He had put on a long wig, a headband, fringe boots, and some sort of sequin sparkle vest thing. Mr. C. didn’t seem to notice my laughter as he added a giant pair of sunglasses to his ensemble. When one is in the “rock zone” it seems that you’re too cool to notice ones laughter.
The museum did make me feel a tad bit more educated on how to make my life a little less square. I can now successfully air guitar, rock scream, and hold a lighter in the air without burning myself. If Mr. C. Cow lets me borrow his sunglasses then maybe I have a chance at being cool.
I enjoy art. Mr. C. Cow enjoys art and thinks it’s a part of a complete breakfast. I, personally, think that art should only be eaten at cocktail parties. We might not agree on the proper meal with which to dine on fine art but we both agree that art is awesome.
Today we made a stop at an art gallery to feel a little more refined and artsy. My little cow thought I said another word besides “artsy” so I had to inform him that rude noises and smells were not proper in an art gallery. He was a tad bit embarrassed but quickly got over it when we found cake.
I’ve never been to an art museum that features it’s own “Cakery”. It makes sense because thinking about lines, colors, and artistic expression kinda makes you hungry. I was able to stop Mr. C. Cow from eating all of the cake at the Cakery. He kept mooing “But it’s free cake!!! Eat…It…All….”. Sometimes it’s hard to explain to a cow that we need to leave food for other people.
Both our stomachs and our minds full we felt satisfied in many ways as we pulled out and onto the road.