Someone needs to invent a silly straw long enough for a cow to drink a fruity cocktail while sitting in a hot tub. I would let him hold it while in the tub but hoofs and glasses don’t mix. Putting it on the edge of a hot tub and letting him drink from a regular straw would just lead to spilling. A extra long cow silly straw that reaches from the bar to the hot tub would be perfect.
Like an oasis in the middle of the desert we suddenly found ourselves surrounded by waterfalls, palm trees, and a fully stocked bar. While I gravitated towards the promise of giant pieces of fruit garnishing a glass full of alcohol, Mr. C. Cow hopped right into the hot tub. Traveling in a camper does a number on a cow back and hot water seems to help. Maybe we should stay for a while and learn to hula dance. Or make coconut bras. The sound of the ocean waves mixed with rum seemed to make all of our stress disappear. Maybe I’ll take a nice nap in a hammock….
When I woke up I found myself back in the camper. The palm trees and silly straws had disappeared. Was it really just an oasis? Did we just dream about paradise? Did Mr. C. Cow just carry me back to the camper while I was asleep?
Location: Jak’s Place
We decided to treat ourselves today by stopping at a fancy hotel. Something that involved cocktails in real glassware and the opportunity to not have to cook for ourselves. Living in the camper is fun but sometimes you want to be able to sleep in a real bed.
We found a lovely hotel on the top of a hill that didn’t seem to be too busy. I let Mr. C. Cow practice his camper backing up skills since there were no other cars in the parking lot. It’s kinda hard to explain to a police officer why a cow backed into a parked car even though he has a drivers license.
Check in was uneventful except I do feel that our host was a tad bit on the quiet side. Might be from the red barn he was painting judging from the red paint covering his body. The cocktail bar was very nice and they seemed to have some sort of parfait that looked like real eyeballs. My hats off to the chef for making something look so realistic! I just stuck to a martini. I am assuming that Tuesdays are bears drink half off because the entire place was full of bears. I wonder if they have half off otter happy hour.
The room was comfortable enough but we kept hearing weird noises coming from the rooms around us. Other then that and the some weird tentacle’d guest hanging out in the hallways it was nice to sleep in a real bed for a change.
Sometimes an otter just needs to get out from behind the wheel and sleep in sheets not laundered by a cow.
Location: Fallmouth Hotel (G)
Today Mr. C. Cow heard the alluring sounds of carnival music. What I have learned from spending so much time in a camper with a cow is that they cannot resist funnel cakes, the opportunity to ride in little mechanical vehicles, and circus music. When he gave me those giant “Why you gonna pass this place by?” eyes we had to stop the camper. Who am I to deny a cow the right to get his mechanical space rocket on?
I was a tad bit leary about the place we stopped. The ticket guy seemed to have some sort of red paint all over his face. I completely disapprove of bad hygiene and would expect someone in the customer service arts to at least wash their face before coming to work.
A strange little man named Zoltar kept screaming at us to come over to him, pay him money, and get our fortunes read. He was very hard to ignore as he kept telling us to pay him and know the future. I asked him if it was ok to take a picture to send to my friends back home but he kept telling me his name was Zoltar and he could tell my future. I never did pay that weird little man behind the glass because he was kinda creepy. Who decides that it is a good career move to sit in a machine and beg people to pay him to see the future? If I want to know my future then I am just going to keep reading fortune cookies thank you very much!
Location: Carnival Of Chaos! (M)
Ran into a bit of a flat tire trouble today. I tried to explain to Mr. C. Cow that driving over a road strictly built out of broken glass wasn’t a good idea. He thought we would be fine and I actually thought it was really weird that someone would actually build a road just out of broken glass. Some people are just weird like that.
We were lucky enough to find Biff’s Tire Fixing Emporium. Biff was really nice and charged us next to nothing to fix our flat tire BUT he kept wanting to flex his muscles and show us his “sweet ride”. Mr. C was interested in watching the gun show but I was more in the “meh” zone. You’ve seen one gun show you’ve seen them all.
While waiting for the tire to be fixed I happened upon a raccoon with his head in a bucket just drinking away. Usually I would chalk it up to a bucket o’ beer Tuesday special but I’ve never really seen one at a gas station. When I asked him about his day he just wanted to scream “Eeeee Eeee Errrrr Cheep Cheep Errr” at me. I decided to leave the raccoon to his mystery bucket and sit quietly on a tire while I waited.
Lesson learned? Never let a cow tell you that it’s perfectly safe to drive down a road made out of jagged glass.
Location: Nifty 50’s Seaside Town (M)
Ahoy me land lovin’ buckos! I hope all be well with you. Today we found a lovely park with a beach overlookin’ t’vast virtual ocean. T’ocean waves be calmin’ as we lay here on our blankets and stare up at t’sky. It’s times like these that I’m glad we got in arrr camper and headed out.
While at the park Mr. C. Cow bought me a nautical dictionary. I haven’t had the heart to tell him that it wasn’t nautical but more like a pirate dictionary. As you can see I’ve been practicing so that it will make him feel good about his purchase. I’m now in the mood for some Grog and I wonder if we could make a retractable plank for people to walk just in case our camper ever gets boarded.
I wonder if Mr. C. Cow would look good in a pirate patch with a peg hoof?
All of this reading has made me hungry. I wonder if we can find a nice fresh fruit stand before we head back out again. I don’t want to end up with scurvy.
Location: Corsair Cove State Park (M)
Stopped in a lovely little town for lunch today. Even though it was lunchtime the place was empty so it was easy to find seating that would fit both an otter and a cow. The staff was friendly but a little on the quiet side. We were able to get nice salads and we happy that we didn’t need to use condiments as they looked like they hadn’t been changed out since 1971. I pointed this out to the staff but they didn’t answer us. Nonetheless we had a lovely time and left a large tip.
Before heading back on the road we decided to walk over to the local thrift store. I was worried about getting my otter feet dirty as there was quite a bit of garbage laying around. Mr. C. Cow was more then happy to let me ride on his back so no harm no foul. I’m just assuming that there must have been a garbage pick up strike in progress. Or maybe a dog had chewed into one of the local businesses garbages and spread it around the sidewalks and street. I do hope someone comes by and cleans it up soon.
I wasn’t able to find anything I really liked in the thrift store but Mr. C. Cow found some sort of Droog outfit complete with a cane. If you can viddy a cow trying on a false eyelash and some sort of white shirt then you know what a sight it is! We didn’t end up getting it as they don’t come in cow sizes.
Overall it was a very pleasant afternoon. I hope that we’ll cross paths with this quaint little town again. I hope that, the next time we visit, the garbage strike or whatever it is will be over.
Location: Missing Mile (M)
We’ve been driving for hours now on a dirt path and I’m starting to get a little bit cranky. The only radio station we can seem to get only plays marching band music and my butt cheeks have fallen asleep. It was time to catch a little fresh air, tell my butt to wake up, and try to put on a happy face.
As if the world was trying to give me a friendly hug we, amazingly, came across a beautiful park that offered us coffee, friendly conversation, and no marching bands. We parked right next to the welcome sign and had a lovely conversation with Sid and Zelda the welcome committee birds. Zelda was a bit of a gossip when it came to discussing bird migration stories but Sid was nothing but the perfect gentleman. Or is that “gentlebird”?
There was a small cafe that offered coffee and pastries for the weary traveler. I was actually able to order my “Half Cap Full Latte Side Foam All Foam No Foam Foaming At The Mouth Skim Milk Decaf Mocha Minus The Mocha Put It In A Travel Mug” coffee. It’s been so long since I’ve had one that I was starting to worry that I would never have it again!
I’m really glad that we found this little stop as it sure made me one happy traveler again. As we waved goodbye to the welcoming birds we set on off once again. Hopefully we’ll find a station that doesn’t just play marching band music.
Location: Calas Galadhon (M)
Salutations postcard people! I hope that everyone had a wonderful Easter holiday. For me it’s all about spring and nature this time of year. Traveling around in a camper really allows us to find some of the most beautiful spots this world has to offer.
At times the sun gives way to clouds and the rains start coming down. It’s to be expected. It can’t be sunny all the time. The rains make the flowers bloom and the trees happy. A little rain doesn’t stop us as we turned off of the main highway and onto a path through the woods. At first we were a little worried that our camper wouldn’t fit through a canopy of trees. Mr. C. Cow offered to eat all of the leaves off the trees but I explained to him that he was not a giraffe and we safely got through with no issues.
I want to take the time to tell everyone to stop for a moment and go outside to enjoy life. (You can wait till you’re done reading our postcard!) Take the time out to go and visit a park near you. Don’t just stare at nature. Be a part of it!
Location: SPRING-A-LING (M)
I noticed that today is St. Patrick’s Day so we decided to park for the day and get a few beers to celebrate. We were lucky to find a little Irish pub down the road from a place to park our camper. Not only is it a stupid idea to drink and drive a virtual camper it is also a stupid idea to let a cow drink beer and drive a camper. Hoofs don’t have great ten and two grip action.
Twelve green beers, 4 shots, and 2 attempts at jigging later we decided we had better send our friends a postcard to tell them about our day. Or what we can remember of it. All I know is that there is a apostrophe missing from our postcard, cows cannot fit in sinks to sleep, and I’m too short to see over the top of a pool table.
Location: Malone’s Pub In O’Hare’s Gap (M)