One of the worst situations one can run into while driving a camper is a bridge out. What makes it worse is a bridge out while it’s foggy. Even worse than that is a cow driving the camper while his hoofs are sticky because he decided to blow a giant bubble with his gum. The structural integrity of his bubble was on the shady side so, of course, it exploded everywhere. Pure anxiety nightmare fuel.
Before allowing Mr. C. Cow to attempt to turn an enormous camper around, in the fog, next to a bridge out, we had to pull over and deal with this tacky gum situation. Did you know that wet wipes aren’t ideal cleaning tools for gummy hoofs? They don’t work optimally unless you use an entire container of them.
(*Note To Self* Pick up more wet wipes and less gum.)
After we got Mr. C. all cleaned up it was time to maneuver a humongous recreation vehicle in a space the size of a compact car parking spot. I closed my eyes when he started backing up, turning a tiny bit, moving forward, and so forth for thirty minutes. I might have sweated out of my eyes a little due to how hot it was in the camper. (It wasn’t tears of fear! It was sweat I tell ya! SWEAT!!) Backwards. Turn a little bit. Forward then back again. When was this camper going to get turned around? Will we survive and not fall off the edge?
We survived. There would be no postcard if we hadn’t gotten turned around and went over the edge. Huzzah for living! Mr. C. Cow is an excellent backer upper who, after many years of practice (and a few run over fences) has excelled in his driving skills.
Thankfully, we were on our way down the road, away from the broken bridge and spooky fog. I’m grateful to Mr. C. for his driving but not too grateful for his bubble blowing skills. Maybe he should work on that.
I know that many of you are asking “Well…what happened on Valentine’s Day?”. Another question is “Did Mr. C. Cow achieve a successful showing of love without making things explode?”. I would like to inform all of you that nothing exploded. For those of you that are disappointed in no detonations I would like to educate you with the knowledge that a marshmallow exploded in a microwave will not only increase in size but catch on fire. I would fill you in on the details of this mishap but it’s for another day. (Also…Mr. C. Cow is not over the trauma of combustible marshmallows.)
Everything went exceedingly well this year. I was majorly distressed that he might go overboard with such items as paper heart drops from the sky (paper cut danger zone), hiring a professional flame baton dancing ostrich (seriously….fire hazard), or going low-key (in his mind) and covering our equipment companies scissor lift in chocolate. My anxiety was not (finally) needed and things were fantastic.
There was a real picnic blanket that was not the sheet taken off of one of our beds. The only thing that was on fire was the spicy jalapeño appetizer Mr. C. Cow created. Instead of anything involving mayhem, explosions, and general confusion we were treated to wine, cheese, and an amazing view. Mr. C. Cow not only showed his love but he managed to show it successfully without any injury to individual or property. I call this a love win!
We shouldn’t take one day to show the love we have to others. As a family unit we tell each other each day that we care. Mr. C. Cow lets us know he is devoted to his clan by showing us an incredible day. No fires. No explosions to put out. No mess.
You can’t drive a camper across a bridge if their isn’t a complete bridge. Campers cannot jump a bridge like some sort of action movie. They are too heavy and can’t drive fast enough.
You would think that someone in the road construction business would put up more barriers then a sign informing us a few feet from the drop that the bridge is out. The lights on the sign weren’t blinking so that’s, clearly, a safety issue. We’re lucky that it wasn’t dark out!
The sign says that we can click for “Alternate Transportation”. Mr. C. Cow thought this meant that a GIANT BIRD would swoop down, pick up the camper, and safely put it on the other side. I just thought it would give you a map for a different route. I kinda like his creative transportation better.
Before backing the camper up to a safe distance where we could turn around (which happened to be, at least, two miles of driving backwards) Mr. C. Cow jumped out of the camper to check out the edge of the bridge. I’m not a fan of half crumbling bridges mixed with heights so I thought he was being a tad bit nuts. To satisfy his curiosity we took a picture of the edge of the bridge and one of him posing with a sign.
I agree with the sign. I can’t look either.
Lesson here? If you’re doing bridge work don’t put your safety signs right before a large drop into a body of water. Campers have brakes but they don’t stop on a dime.