Posted in Food, Nature, Park, Tourist Attraction

The Ballad Of Five Pounds

Mr. C. Cow and I went on a hike today. It started out as any of our typical hikes because Mr. C. wanted to pack WAY TOO MUCH trail mix than was needed. Ten pounds of trail mix is a bit much for the two of us to eat on a two-mile hike. He insisted that we might run into woodland creatures in desperate need of a mixture of cereal, nuts, and chocolate candies. Even helping others doesn’t justify carrying ten pounds around. We settled on five.

Let me break down what happened to each individual pound of trail mix. This is where they typical just gets weird.

Pound #1: We made it, about, 50 yards when it was time to stop for a trail mix break. We split the first pound but I think that Mr. C. Cow got more chocolate candies in his half then I did. I swear that a half a pound would at least yield more than three pieces.

Pound #2: This pound was thrown on the ground. No! Not randomly thrown on the ground! It was thrown on the ground for the birds flying by. Thrown on the ground for a pack of butterflies. Individual pieces were handed out to tiny bugs that were just passing through. I saw a beetle sneak off with at least five large pieces on his back. As of this very moment no bugs, butterflies, or birds are without trail mix in the woods today.

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Even Butterflies Like Trail Mix!

Pound #3: Mr. C. Cow ate the whole pound by himself. How do I know this? I know this because he went behind a tree to do “his private business” and came back a pound lighter in the trail mix department. I guess that “private business” means different things to both of us.

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Not Pictured: Mr. C. Cow Crunch Munching Behind A Tree.

Pound #4: This pound went to a good cause. It was given to a mother bear and her two cubs who looked extra hungry when they spotted us. Mr. C. Cow was more than willing to share this special pound #4. He says it’s because he’s the giving type but I, personally, think Mr. C. just thought they were going to eat us. I don’t disagree with him.

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Um…Yeah…I Just Want Your Trail Mix….

Pound #5: By the time we got down to our last pound we still had a mile and a half left in our two-mile hike. Mr. C. Cow was so full he was starting to roll down the hiking trail rather than walking on it. I had already eaten a half a pound and was not about to eat any more. An otter lady sometimes needs to watch her figure and eating that much food, kinda, defeats the whole purpose of hiking. Just as we were getting to the point where I wasn’t sure how I was going to roll Mr. C. Cow back to the camper a horse named “Danny” trotted up and offered to help me out of my trail mix debacle. Between the both of us we were able to, safely, roll Mr. C. Cow back to the camper.

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Hi! I’m Danny! 

Let this be a lesson to all of you who feel the need to take ten pounds of trail mix hiking and compromise by only taking five. Five…is a bit much for walking two miles. Take what you need and maybe an apple to balance it all out. You don’t want to find yourself in the woods with a mile and a half to go and can no longer walk. Being rolled out of the woods is a bit embarrassing if you think about it.

Don’t embarrass yourself. Eat an apple instead.

“Tipsy” Cerulean

All photos taken in Second Life by…me!

Second Life Location: Yosemite Valley (M) 

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Posted in Nature, Park, Tourist Attraction

Walking Direction Finder

I’m short. Not just “I can’t reach the paper towels!” grocery shopping short. My short is more of a “I walked into a tall patch of flowers and can’t see! Help!” short. If left to my own devices I could, possibly, wander around an area of tall grass for hours before I found my way out.

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Help! Send Wine And Cheese!

One example of wild flowers trying to take me out like some sort of evil (yet good-looking) otter eating plant was a hike Mr. C. Cow and I just went on. I, blindly, walked into the flowers and was instantly lost. Mr. C. had to pull me up with his teeth and stick me on his back. It’s slightly embarrassing when I have to ask for a ride but it beats being disoriented forever.

Speaking of being disoriented forever, Mr. C. Cow, when not graced with a map, likes to also get lost. One time he got lost on his way to the bathroom in a restaurant. He swears up and down that the hallways getting there were confusing. I think it wasn’t the hallways that confused him because the restaurant wasn’t that big. One time Mr. C. got lost on his way to the rest stop we own and had to stop to ask a unicorn for directions.

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Uh…it’s right across the street from your house.

Bishop has some sort of eerie sense of direction and never gets lost. He could travel to some mystical nation ruled by pixies and would somehow know exactly how to get to the local gas station. I think he was born with some sort of strange GPS built right in. I wonder if Mr. C. Cow could have one implanted in him. A bionic cow that would no longer find himself adrift in a canoe trying to find a shoe store. (Long story…still don’t know how he ended up in a canoe.)

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Take a left at the glowing light to get to the gas station.

Next time we go shopping I’m buying Mr. C. Cow a colossal book of maps. I could probably use a pair of fabulous platform hiking boots. Bishop…um….Bishop just needs to tell us how he’s a walking direction finder.

“Tipsy” Cerulean

Photos taken in Second Life by…ME! Huzzah!

SL Location: Lost Unicorn (M)