Posted in Real Life

Who The Heck Is Max?

Bishop got his new lawn mower! Huzzah! Much celebration in the lawn cutting arts. Mr. C. Cow was especially excited because he, accidentally (kinda), broke the last lawn mower by thinking you could drive it “Off-Lawn”. He was thinking it was like an off-road vehicle that you drove off the beaten path. What Mr. C. didn’t understand was that you can’t drive it on gravel. Or in a lake. Or over a giant mud puddle at full lawn mowing speed. This is probably the number one reason why Mr. C. Cow has been banned from driving any of our equipment. Bishop isn’t being mean. He’s just trying to save us a bit of money and time fixing things that get broken. (Sorry Mr. C. but we will only let you drive the small things now. Not being mean but you need a bit of equipment driving practice.)

With a great piece of rider lawnmower equipment comes the great responsibility of trying to figure out what the heck the safety stickers are trying to tell us. Mr. C. Cow and  I tried our very best to figure these beauties out:

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When seeing lawn gnome behind you be sure to twist your head at a 180 degree angle.

I don’t know about you but I don’t think that a head is supposed to twist in that direction. Unless you’re an owl. (Major shout out to all the owls in my life! Hoot! Hoot!)

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If you are totally overheated do not depend on a gas can or some weird shack to help you.

Mr. C. Cow and I think that this safety sticker is really trying to tell us that they are not hot as much as they are really angry at the state of things. Don’t try to fix my anger by giving me a funky purse. Don’t try to fix my anger by making me sit in some sort of tiny home and tell me that I can get by with a kitchen the size of a bath mat. Lawn mower is angry. Give it some space.

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Double Safety! If you get D’s on your report card you get your digits chopped off. If you try to put your hand in to join a double G game they will be denied because they are not G enough.

I am so confused by these safety stickers! Where am I suppose avoid the alphabet? Am I suppose to study really hard to not get a D in any subject?  Both of us are now having nightmares that our digits will be eaten by the alphabet. This is not the best way to teach anyone their ABC’s.

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If you not give Max at least 15 percent you’re totally doomed. DOOMED!

Who is this Max fellow and how are we suppose to give him 15 percent? 15 percent of what? If we don’t know who Max is then are we automatically doomed? Neither Mr. C. Cow or myself want to be doomed! Maybe we should ask Bishop who this Max fellow is. Maybe we should stop trying to figure out what these safety signs mean and ask Bishop to explain them to us. Maybe we should just stop touching Bishop’s stuff and leave the equipment to trained professionals.

“Tipsy” Cerulean

Photos of safety signs taken by yours truly. I found them on our personal rider lawnmower and I am happy to say that our lawn is currently mowed!

Don’t forget….we might be making silly jokes about these safety stickers but safety is no joke. Follow all instructions when operating any type of machinery. Don’t be an idiot!

Posted in Real Life

Off-Lawning

Bishop had to go lawn mower shopping the other day. The grass at the equipment company was getting a bit on the long side and our old mower wasn’t going to cut it anymore. (Get it! Lawn mower! Cut Grass!!) Our old mower was working just fine until Mr. C. Cow took it out for a joyride that he likes to call “Off-Lawning”. Lawn mowers were not meant for “Off-Lawning” adventures so this called for a trip to the hardware store.

Lawn mower shopping gives Mr. C. and I the perfect opportunity to try and figure out what all of the safety signs means on the equipment. Not sure if Bishop finds us humorous because he kept kicking tires on the mowers, sighing, and drinking his coffee while we were laughing at the stupidity of our safety sign interpretations. At one point Bishop did walk away. I thought it was because we were being overly stupid. Mr. C. Cow said he thought it was because he wanted to laugh at our jokes privately in a different aisle.

Bishop ended up coming back with the keys of one particular model he was interested in. It was called a “Huskdeerpowermow-something or other”. The safety sign on the keys was what started Mr. C. Cow and I off on another round of “Caption that safety sign!”.

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Eeeek! “Do not use slug baby as a tire jack!”

While we giggled (and were slightly horrified) by the sign on the set of mower keys Bishop did a “mumble grumble” sound then moved off to talk to a salesman. This gave us the perfect opportunity to check out more of the mowers fun safety sign features.

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“This Mower Can Be Used For Sweet Skateboarding Moves.”

We wondered why the guy doing his sweet moves was not wearing a helmet. He is, after all, a safety sign guy.

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“Calmly drive your mower into a burning brush fire.”

Maybe this one could also mean “In case of brush fire throw leaves on it while running it over.”

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“Attempting to sword fight while using this mower will lead to finger gouges.”

Can you picture someone trying to sword fight while mowing their lawn? I don’t think that’s the safest thing one could do while mowing. Maybe they should listen to the sign and save the sword fights for after the yard work is done.

Bishop decided to buy this lawnmower because it was perfect for the equipment companies lawn. Mr. C. Cow and I were happy he got it because we didn’t get to interpret all of its safety stickers.

Maybe later on this week, while Bishop is actually getting ready to mow, we can continue interpreting for you. Only if he let’s us get close enough to it. I know he’s keeping an eye on Mr. C. Cow.

“Tipsy” Cerulean

All safety sticker pictures were taken by me and are actually off of our riding lawnmower. We now, currently, have a nicely mowed lawn. 

In all seriousness, don’t be an idiot. Follow all safety rules and signs when operating something like a lawn mower. Don’t get hurt by being stupid!